Hey, it’s Candice here.
One of the most useful things I’ve learned — both in my own life and after more than twenty years in mental health (the last ten focused specifically on anxiety and trauma) — is the power of becoming a curious observer.
Not a critic. Not a fixer. Just a curious observer.
It’s a simple shift, but it changes everything.
Instead of immediately judging yourself when you notice a difficult mood, a spiraling thought, or an old pattern repeating, you pause and get curious: What just happened? How did my body feel? What did I do (or not do)? What was the result?
You start noticing things like:
- How your mood feels after you meditate (or after you skip it)
- What happens when you communicate a need versus when you stay silent
- How your body and mind feel after a workout versus after hours of doom-scrolling
- The emotional cost of choosing someone else’s comfort over your own
This isn’t about perfection or self-improvement projects. It’s about gathering your own data — your personal market research — on what actually helps you feel steadier and what leaves you feeling worse.
Why This Matters So Much with Anxiety
As an anxiety therapist, I can offer research-backed tools and strategies. I can explain how certain skills work in the brain and body. But the real shift almost always happens when someone starts paying gentle, curious attention to their own experience.
Because when you see the difference for yourself — when you notice that using a skill actually lowered your anxiety even a little, or that avoiding a hard conversation left you more drained — something powerful happens.
You become motivated from the inside out.
I can’t motivate you. But you can.
And the more clearly you see the connection between your choices and how you feel, the more naturally you begin choosing what serves you.
The Hopeful Practice
Becoming a curious observer doesn’t require hours of journaling or perfect consistency. It can be as simple as asking yourself one honest question at the end of the day:
“What did I notice today about what helped me feel a little steadier… and what left me feeling more overwhelmed?”
That’s it.
Over time, these small observations become incredibly valuable information. They help you:
- Trust yourself more
- Make changes that actually stick
- Feel less at the mercy of anxiety and old patterns
You start to build a new kind of relationship with yourself — one based on curiosity and compassion instead of criticism and pressure.
This is the kind of quiet, steady progress that lasts.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to stay curious.
And the more you do, the more you’ll be able to discover what works best for you.
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References
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full catastrophe living. Bantam Books.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion. William Morrow.
Wells, A. (2011). Metacognitive therapy for anxiety and depression. Guilford Press.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy, and reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988.
Candice Beaton, LCSW
Licensed psychotherapist · Modern Therapy CB
